My Own Way
by Sig Uchiha
Summary: When everything around you reminds you of what once was, the only thing you can do is move on. Move on, find yourself, and see the world that you've saved. And maybe, just maybe, find a different kind of strength. Eventual Fullbring!Ichigo


My Own Way

Chapter 1: My Path...?

"**Ya know, it's really messed up...but sometimes, late at night...I really regret saving the world."**

**- Ichigo Kurosaki**

"Have you like, decided what you're going to do when you grow up and stuff?"

Ichigo paused as he lifted his juice box to take a sip. The orange-haired teen was completely caught off guard by Keigo's sudden curiosity. "Do you mean like...my career path?" At his friend's nod Ichigo couldn't help but shrug his shoulders. "Isn't it a bit early to wonder about that?"

His back straightened as Ichigo stopped leaned against the rail fence on Karakurra High's roof, his face turning to a light scowl as he looked towards the sky. "I mean, we still have a nice chunk of senior year left..."

Keigo just shrugged from his spot on the floor as he ran a hand through his medium length brown hair. "Maybe...but there's gonna be career guidance at the end of the term. The teachers obviously think that it's soon enough."

Ichigo wasn't facing him, the teen had begun fiddling with the collar of his uniform's jacket. He had suddenly began to feel chocked by the material and it was making him uncomfortable. "Well," Ichigo grunted. "What do you plan to do? Perv out for all time?"

Keigo chuckle shamelessly at Ichigo's barb, he had grown far too used to them over the years to be affected at any length. "Maybe in my downtime bro. But I really wanna work with computers. Or phones. Something like that anyways." There was a small pause, "Well...whatta 'bout you?

Ichigo just sighed and sat down next to the brunette, he began to feel a sudden bout of depression at his friends innocent question. He shook his head sharply and tuned Keigo out like a champ.

If Ichigo were to be brutally honest with himself, he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. Lately he had felt so down and all around aggravated with his life. _Well, not really 'lately'_ the teen corrected, he had felt like this for a while. Too long really.

When Ichigo had first lost is powers he wasn't 'happy' exactly, more like, thankful. No more word he have to get up late at night to fight or have his school work suffer because a Hollow decided to rear its ugly head. Suddenly he didn't have to worry about the world's problems and he felt so free.

But then the paranoia struck.

Unlike every other normal human Ichigo was aware of the fact that there were monsters out there that could easily kill him in there current condition. He couldn't see them, and while Ichigo was faster and much stronger then the average human he wouldn't win a fist fight against a Hollow. He'd have to rip it's mask right off of its face!

It also didn't help matters that almost every single one of his friends could now see spirits. He would have never that he'd feel left out when the chuckle or outright laugh at something a Plus would do. Or how they would call out greetings to the afro dude.

At the beginning Keigo, Tatsuki, Mizuiro and even Chizuru would gasp or exclaim and chatter about when they ever saw a ghost. It was a novel experience to be able to talk about the things that they see to each other. To them, teens who had never seen anything out of the ordinary seeing ghosts was a huge treat.

But Ichigo could never understand that. He, who had seen them as a child could never understand his friends' wonder when it came to spirits. Ichigo had seen the dead all his life, long ago it had gotten to the point where he simply viewed them as he would any other person.

Ichigo could have dealt with all of this with no problem, after all. He was no stranger to adversity and had always been driven to handle his problems on his own. The only person he had ever really relied on for anything was Chad.

And here lead to one of the bigger problems in Ichigo's life. The huge distance that crept up between him and his old team. Before he had been able to speak to them about anything, even if he really didn't want to talk. Before they respected him and his strength.

Not now.

Now, Ichigo was pretty sure that Chad was afraid to put a hand on him or joke around. The stronger teen looked at Ichigo the way a person would look at a piece of glass. Like, he was weak (which he was) and he would shatter if anyone put any pressure on him. Sometimes it drove the ex-shinigami insane.

Even Inoue and Ishida avoided him, although for a different reason. They never spoke to him about hollows, even when it gets so serious that they have to rush out of class to join a fight. Both his friends seemed to be afraid that if he knew what was going on he'd run off and get himself killed. Like they thought keeping him ignorant was protecting him.

It seemed like a lifetime ago when he was the one doing the protecting...

"Ichigo! Ichigo! Dude are you even listening!" Ichigo almost flinched as Keigo's loud voice cut through his inner musings. Said teen huffed as he crosed his arms over his chest, annoyed at his taller friend. "What the hell man? How're you just gonna let me keep talking if you don't care?"

The ex-shinigami couldn't help but roll his away as he pushed away his darker train of thought, glad that Keigo had pulled him out of it. "Sorry, sorry. What did you ask again?"

"I was 'asking' about Rukia-chan!" The brunette exclaimed. "Like, about how no one sees here anymore! Do you think something happened to her."

Ichigo scowled and looked away. "Why the hell are you bring her up? She's not here. Deal with it, look up someone else's skirt." His words came out forcefuly, angry even. It was different then his usual gruff tone.

But Keigo just made a face and began to whine. Loudly. "Yeesh! What the hell crawled up your ass! I was just asking a damn question!"

"Why?"

"Why? I, I just..." Keigo sighed as he turn to look at the other end of the roof. "I just thought...you would miss her, ya'know? I mean, you two always seemed pretty close. Back then too, when you were in a coma...she never left."

Ichigo couldn't help but be curious at his friends rambling. "'Never left'? Never left where?"

"Like, your bedside man. I was there too, and like, we got to talking. It looked like she cared about you a lot dude." Keigo shrugged once more, but this one was more uncomfortable than anything else. "I wasn't there when you woke up, so I didn't see her leave. Did...did you two have an argument or something? End on bad terms?"

"No." Despite himself Ichigo felt his shoulders slump. "We ended fine. She just hasn't be around because she isn't working here I guess. She could be around the world, or in the Soul Society. Her family's pretty important there. Royal even."

"Oh..." Suddenly Keigo looked uncomfortable as he asked one final question. "Do you, miss her?"

That one simple question stopped Ichigo cold.

Did he miss Rukia? It was a hard question to answer. He would be lying if he said he didn't feel a little resentment at the fact that she hadn't visited him. He knew that she could easily borrow a Gigai from Urahara if she ever wanted too. One would think that since she spent so much time with him she would visit. To b honest, he wasn't feeling resentful, he was feeling angry.

But did Rukia see it that way? She is a Shinigami after all, they live outrageously long lives. He and her didn't even spend a full year together. And to her, a person that had lived for well over a hundred years (and probably much longer) he and this town were just a footnote. Just a passing adventure.

His anger won out, and it was clear from his tone. "Like hell I do. If she doesn't wanna see me that's her business. I can't do anything about it, so it's pointless to talk."

Ichigo stood abruptly from his seat by Keigo. Suddenly he felt so done with this touchy-feely crap that his classmate was spewing. "In fact," Ichigo grunted as he lifted his bag unto his shoulder and began leaving, "I don't give a damn if I ever see her again."

A slamming door echoed onto the wind as he descended into the school.

Keigo stared at the spot his friend just vacated, and an awkward silence filled the area around him .It was broken only by his speaking. "I am _so_ sorry."

"You should be." A voice spat out and Keigo turned to look at the only other soul on the roof besides him, Rukia Kuchiki. Her black shihakusho moved softly in the breeze as her deep purple eyes glared at him. "What the hell were you thinking you idiot!"

"I just thou-"

"You just thought what!" Rukia spat, looking for all the world like she wanted to hit him. "You wanted to what! You know that I'm not even supposed to be here Yet! It isn't the right time! What the hell were you doing!" The girl's fists were clenched in righteous anger and shook with rage.

Keigo eyed them warily. "I just thought that you wanted to know if he missed you. I was willing to speak to him about you too, tell him what you say and stuff." The teen sighed in annoyance. "I still don't get why you don't want to speak to him."

"Don't. Go. There."

"Why the hell not Rukia!" The brunette shout to the sky, the situation between her and Ichigo had been bothering him for some time. But each time he had attempted to breech the subject Rukia pulled away or just stonewalled him completely. "Goddamiit! TELL ME! I WANT A DAMN ANSWER! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO SET ON AVOIDING HIM! DON'T YOU GIVE A RAT'S ASS!"

"Uhhh...Asano-san?" An awkward voice called unsteadily, causing Keigo flinch in embarrassment as he whirled to face the speaker. He was met with a classmate of his, one of short stature and blonde hair that may have been dyed. His name was Nara.

He also looked completely freaked out at Keigo's seemingly random bout of rage at thin air.

"Oh shit..."

0-0-0-0-0

"What the hell is Keigo's problem..." Muttered Ichigo as he stalked down the school's hallways, paying little attention to the students that he met. They were after all, just drifters who didn't go to lunch or skipper who hadn't yet left the building. None of them were actually important. "Why the hell did he call me out like that."

_Have I really changed that much?_ Ichigo couldn't help but wonder. Years before, he doubted that his friend would have the guts to ask him something that personal. Even if they were alone. Tatsuki was the only one that might've been able to get away with that. Had he really lost that fire?

It was a concerning thought. Maybe Ichigo didn't change at all and that was the problem. Had all of his friends gotten tougher and he just stayed the same? That same frowning, tough, distant fifteen year old? Did he really even grow up at all since his days as a shinigami?

All of his friends even look different now, Keigo grew out his hair. Just like Tatsuki and even Karin and Yuzu! Chad grew a beard, Mizuiro changed...Orihime and Ishida changed. His classmates changed.

But he still stayed the same.

Ichigo had to stop his walk and lean against the hallway wall and cover his face with his hands. _What the hell is wrong with me? _He knew there was something off about him, after all, he was getting worked up of a little change in style among his friends! How lame was that?

_I need to get the hell out of here. I need some damn air._

Pushing roughly off of the wall, Ichigo moved forward once more. Nothing in his walked seemed to have changed, but something had. Where before he was just storming off angerly he had an actual destination in mind this time.

And it was the hell out of this school.

0-0-0-0-0

"Yo, Keigo-san. Where's Ichigo? The soccer team wants to speak to him about staying. We're willing to pay him more."

The brunette just shrugged. "I haven't seen him since lunch, and last period just ended. If he isn't at the field now he won't be at all."

Keigo couldn't help but feel a little bad for the soccer team's manager. He knew that Ichigo had no plans of staying on the team for any longer. The guy was just breezing through all of the teams after school athletics.

Ichigo played like a damn pro athlete even when he didn't understand (or like) the sport he was talking part of. Keigo was sure that his friend could go into professional ranks if he wanted, if the ex-soul reaper does what he was doing now in college teams will be all over him.

If Ichigo went to college at all anyway.

_Which was sad, because he would totally rock there. _Ichigo does well in class, did great in sports and was really popular (even if he didn't admit it). His family didn't struggle for money and Keigo was sure his friend had a couple of scholarships heading his way.

But Keigo also knew that school was the last place Ichigo wanted to be. Hell, the brunette could tell that Ichigo didn't even want to be going to school now. His friend probably came because he didn't want to: A) Disappoint his father, or B) He just didn't have anything else to do.

Keigo's friend was drifting farther and farther away from everyone, and there wasn't anything he could do.

0-0-0-0-0

It had taken him over and hour to get here. Three different buses and he still had to walk up that damn hill and through the park and vegetation, but he still got here. He was more motivated during that journey then he had been in who knows how long.

So here he was, standing in front of the grave of Masaki Kurosaki, his moving. He stared unflinchingly at the stone willing it to respond to his silent questions about what was wrong with him and what he should do. His mother always had answers, so he had hoped that coming here would provide with one.

But the only thing that had changed was his surroundings.

But Ichigo decided to speak anyway, he heard that talking to your lost loved ones helped clear things from a person's chest. "Umm, God I feel so damn stupid. I..I mean...shit." The teen placed a palm to his forehead. "This is really embarrassing, because I know that you aren't here. That you aren't listening to me or watching over me. You were eaten by Grand Fisher, and I don't think that the Soul Society's found him yet, if they ever will. They are so damn useless."

A hollow pained chuckle burst through Ichigo's chest, but it quickly fell flat. "As a kid, before I knew about Hollows and Wholes, and Shinigami I used to wonder where you were. Why you weren't here or with us at home. I had hoped that you 'went into the light' but a part of me was afraid that the reason I never saw you was that you hated me. Hated me, because my mistake got you killed."

"Now that I think back though, you saw Grand Fisher. Which means that you could see spirits, and maybe that you might have been a shinigami too, like dad. And dad, _holy hell_ I can't believe he was a captain. I can't believe that he knew about _everything_ for so long and never told me or Yuzu or Karin about it.

Things and feelings that Ichigo had been bottling up for a while were starting to spill out and he couldn't bring himself to stop, even though he wanted to. "I mean what the hell! As a kid I was so confused about it all, I had such a hard time making friends because of that! And then all of a sudden here comes dad swing a goddamn zanpakto and fighting."

He knew his voice was beginning to raise but Ichigo couldn't really bring himself to care, he just needed to get this out. "I mean, _sure_ he says that he used the final Getsuga Tensho and lost his powers, but is that even true? I mean, it just seems a little funny that his powers came back then of all times."

"I don't even know anything about him anymore. Before he was just a goofy dad that happened to be a doctor and had married you! But now all of a sudden I don't even know how old he is anymore! Or how you guys met, or if you worked together. I mean, part of me thinks that he worked for Aizen as some kind of sleeper agent!"

"And I know that's wrong, and I know that he doesn't, but I just can't stop thinking about it! Was he working with that asshole the whole time, and decided to pull out of the deal when he was sure that Aizen was going to lose? FUCK! I don't even know my own parents anymore!"

Suddenly, Ichigo quieted and sagged where he stood, the teen felt exhausted. The whole ordeal that he just had with himself was exhausting. The teen sighed, walked around the headstone and rested his back against it as he sat down.

It took several long moments before he spoke again, this time his words lacked any real fire. "And can you believe that is just the old stuff? With all the crap I dealing with right now I could base a goddamn soap opera off of my life. I guess to anyone it would sound like basic teenage crap, me and my friends are drifting apart, I'm unhappy and I want to be left alone."

But Ichigo sighed and shook his head. "No, that isn't right. I mean, I want everyone to treat me normally but that's the problem. I'm so damn normal that it sickens me, almost every single person I speak to now is spiritually aware and I'm not. I may have complained about it seeing ghosts but I never actually thought I wouldn't see them."

"...I miss fighting too. I guess that hollow...Grimmjow...? I think that was his name, was right. I do like fighting, and I miss it. For a little while I thought about joining a Dojo but when I checked one out it was so damn pathetic. Those kids couldn't swing a sword to save their lives, literally. And speaking of swords, I really miss Zangetsu. We didn't really talk all that much, but he always had my back. Until a little while ago I thought of buying a sword off the internet so I could keep my skill at least half sharp."

Ichigo ran a hand through his hair and frowned even more. The teen had thrown the sword away after swing it only once. The hilt felt wrong, the steel felt weak, the whole sword felt too wooden. It didn't feel anything at all like his old blade, and in the end, he couldn't stand the sight of it.

The sword was wrong, it wouldn't have worked for him. It was too short, too light, too brightly colored, it didn't reflect light well, it didn't have any chains or wrappings. Really, the whole issue boiled down to one thing. That sword wasn't Zangetsu.

That blade had been a sword, not a zanpakto. It had been a weapon to inflict harm and not a tool used to protect. That blade a been an object, _not_ a partner. And really, Ichigo missed his partner.

"Well, Zangetsu..." The teen spoke, but this time it was to his mother. "Wherever you are, I hope you're happy. Sitting on that damn pole you're always on, wearing your stupid glasses."

0-0-0-0-0

The world was silenced.

Nothing moved within the vast city. Water had overtaken everything and entire skyscrapers had been swallowed but the torrential rain that started two years ago. It had rained almost continuously since then, and this was the first time in a long while that the sky was clear.

Near one overturned skyscraper ripples began to appear, and rings danced in the water. Soon they began to increase and a pale hand broke through the surface. It quickly grabbed hold of the building and began to pull.

"Aagggrh!"

What soon emerged from the ocean was a young man. His black, messy hair hung around his face and he shakily dragged himself from the water. Gasping and wheezing he stumbled his way forward, only to slip and fall. His dark cloak had managed to somehow wind up underneath his feet, and it had tripped him up.

Weakly he managed to roll himself onto his back and began to stare up into the sky. It was not as blue as he remembered, but it was much better than he had hoped. He only said one thing.

"My glasses aren't stupid."

And with that, Tensa Zangetsu smiled.

_Well, there that is. This idea came into being after reading the manga and thinking about a conversation that went on between Ichigo and Keigo. Then with the revelations about fullbrings and just how flaky Chad's been acting lately I came up with this. A story where Ichigo gets his fullbring powers **BUT DOESN'T BECOME A SHINIGAMI AGAIN. **The way he finds and usues his fullbring will be vastly different from cannon he won't join Xcution. It'll be a while until the this story hits where cannon is._

_There probably won't be any pairings, but if there are it might be Ichigo and Rukia or Ichigo and Tatsuki._


End file.
